34 Kinds of sex, and still counting
Posted By jss on February 24, 2009
I was thinking this morning about people who have idealized monogamous sex within a loving and committed relationship. You know the ones, who have good marriages or are otherwise partnered with their best friends and soulmates.
What kind of sex are these two having?
I’m thrilled for all of them, truly; even the ones who look down on the rest of us or think we’re all pretty much damned to crackle in Hellfire and already smell vaguely of sulphur. Even though the word “soulmate” makes my skin crawl a little. There are more of us than there are of them, obviously, and I do not feel compelled to cite statistics right now.
Anyway, it occurred to me that idealizing this kind of relationship implies, further, idealizing a particular kind of sex … and that is “I really love you” sex, including the “I still think you’re the hottest thing on the planet” foreplay. There is a body of literature (I use the word loosely) about hot monogamy. (Serial monogamy represents a series of failures of hot monogamy, I suppose.) Religious conservatives love to postulate that Christians have better sex than heathens, or should, anyway, since they’re having sex that is actually blessed by divine and almighty power …
But anyway, for fun, I’ve made a list of 20 25 34 other kinds of sex that people have, or at least that I’ve had. It took me five minutes to make the list. Five. Minutes. If you’ve had all these kinds of sex with ONE partner … well, let me know. You win something or the other.
Feel free to add your own worthy variations in the comments … if there’s enough responses, I’ll update the list with attribution and links.
So … BESIDES “I Really Love You” sex we have …
1. I can’t resist you, up against the wall sex. Look closely, there are at least two examples in the banner graphic at the top of the page.
2. I’m a ripe peach falling from the tree, catch me please sex. This describes a state of particular susceptibility … one is liable to have sex with the next available person. Sometimes leads to No. 3 …
3. Sex with a stranger.Great fantasy and don’t knock the reality until you’ve tried it.
4. “You’re in the mood, I’ll try to be” … dutiful sex.
5. Make-up sex, and all it’s permutations.
6. Make-out sex, when a kiss just turns white hot and the next thing you know, you’re having sex.
7. “I’m mad at you but I’ll feel better if I fuck you” sex.
8. “I’m feeling lazy and I just want to have an orgasm before I do anything else” sex.
9. Revenge sex.
10. “I’m your slut” sex.
11. “Fuck me and leave” sex.
12. Wake up sex.
13. “I saw the way you looked at her” (or him) sex.
14. “I saw the way she (or he) looked at you” sex.
15. “Let’s make a baby” sex. This doesn’t work for me but I’ve heard about it from Catholics.
16. “I’ve been bad” sex.
17. “I’ve been good” sex.
18. “You’ve been bad” sex.
19. “You’ve been good” sex.
20. Sunday morning sex.
21. “We haven’t had sex in a while” sex.
22. Pity sex.
23. “Oh, why not?” sex.
24. “We could have sex here and probably no one would see us” sex.
25. “There’s no one in the bathroom right now” sex.
26. “Let’s fuck before we go out” sex.
27. “Let’s go home early” sex.
28. “We haven’t had sex in this room” sex.
29. “I’ll fuck you but we have to be quiet” sex.
30. “I won’t tell anyone” sex.
31. “No one will ever know” sex.
32. “I don’t care if you’re in a relationship” sex.
33. “I wonder if I can get someone that hot” sex.
34. “I’ve never tried that before” sex.
Don’t think this couldn’t turn into a 1,001 Nights … kind of book project. Publishers love lists. It might make a great calendar, too.
Note that this is a list for those who have nuanced sex with their brains … anyone can have positional sex.
Update (Feb. 25) … Here’s someone else’s list of 50 Reasons to have sex, some of which are kinds of sex or could be, with some minor editing:
No related posts.
"Into Temptation" is a usually-but-not-always safe-for-work forum about evolving social-sexual networks and how they have changed and are changing lives. It will also loosely chronicle the research, writing and publication, I hope in 2010, of a book by the same name.
All right dude. I was up for your challenge of having all this kind of sex with one person, but it’s hard to have sex with a stranger AND make up sex. Are you suggesting fantasy is allowed?
If so, I would add “Uncle niece sex,” “hairy beast under the moonlight in cemetery sex,” and “all holes filled” sex. OK that last one is not much of a stretch. Wait, maybe it is. HA!
I love having my IUD cuz I can let it fly with the “let’s make a baby sex.” I like pretending I am the moon and he is the sun, and we are creating a star child each time we have a heavenly encounter.
Oh and you forgot “Take one for the team” sex, it’s right up there with “Pity sex”
Your list is driving me crazy! I could do a blog post for each one of these.
That pic you used is Burning Man Tripping Sex. Love the phallic symbol right between them.
You *definitely* win something or the other.
Cemetery sex is hot. There’s a popular one for that on the Yale campus in New Haven, Conn. Well, it *used* to be popular for that, anyway.
Here’s the scenario for stranger sex + makeup sex, all at once. You have a big fight, start to make up, and he ties you up, blindfolds you and invites a friend or two over …
jss, dude that’s hot! I like how you think.
Just thought of another kind of sex – reclaiming sex. I love the sex we have after I’ve been with one of his guy friends – he’s extra fired up and goes caveman on me!